New Year, New Enjoyment in Your Marriage / Relationship!
Join us for the 30 Day Kindness Challenge!
January 16 – Valentine’s Day
Hi friends!
We have a fun initiative coming up with several author/speaker friends, and would love you to join us. Starting January 16 and ending Valentine’s Day here’s the challenge:
That’s it!
Whether your relationship is rah-rah or rocky, doing those three little things will be the best possible gift you can give yourself and your relationship. Try it and see!
A great Valentine’s Day present idea: buy a journal or notebook, record a sentence or two about #2 each day, perhaps capture a great story or two, and give it to your mate on V-Day night.
Follow any of us on social media to join in! Over those 30 days, we’ll be sharing our stories and can’t wait to hear yours. For more details on how it works click here.
Your friends,
Shaunti Feldhahn, Kathi Lipp and Dave Willis
Change what you think, say and do and watch your marriage change too!Follow us on FB to join the challenge.
Leaders: Want your people to join in? Check out The Best Habit for Improving Marriages Click here
Author and researcher Shaunti Feldhahn’s latest book, The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship, reveals just how badly we overestimate our own kindness and how our efforts to make ourselves happy sabotage the relationships around us.
Feldhahn spoke to Facts & Trends about the need for the book and how she has developed free resources to help churches take part in the 30-Day Kindness Challenge.
Facts & Trends: Why do you think The Kindness Challenge is needed right now?
Feldhahn: I had no idea when we started the research for this book that it would be coming out when people might be the most aware of what a huge need there is for kindness in our culture.
But as I looked back at the seven nationally representative surveys that we did for my previous books, I realized there’s this common denominator, this thread running through all of them.
Through the research, I discovered that whether you thrive in your life and whether you thrive in your relationships is far more related to how you treat other people than how you, yourself, are being treated.
When we hear that as believers, we all say, “Yes, of course, that’s true.” But we don’t necessarily live that way. We are very attuned to how we are being treated, as if that is what will really make us thrive. Yet that’s not what I saw in the studies; it’s the opposite.
All the stuff we have a tendency to do to make ourselves thrive—standing up for ourselves, insisting on being treated fairly—is usually sabotaging to our happiness.
So what do we need to do differently? I realized we have a lot of blind spots, a lot of areas where we are unkind every day and we don’t realize it. We’re sabotaging our relationships and we don’t even know it. We want to be kind, affirming people and we just don’t realize we don’t often act that way.
To find out how to fix this, we did a study group of 700 people. We surveyed them before, had them take specific actions, and then surveyed them after. This let us see what, if anything, changed.
Out of that, we identified the 30-Day Kindness Challenge that forms the basis of the book.
Facts & Trends: How can pastors or church leaders apply The Kindness Challenge within their congregation or in small groups?
Feldhahn: I talk to a lot of pastors and they often confess how discouraged they are. When their phone rings, it doesn’t often ring with words of encouragement on the other end. Someone is complaining or frustrated.
Like everyone else, people in the church can be unkind, negative, complaining people, often without realizing it.
So, imagine a boot camp for all the people in your church to suddenly have their eyes opened to this. Think how powerful that could be. Imagine what church would look like if all the negativity were trained out of the people in your church.
With that in mind, we created JoinTheKindnessChallenge.com, where you can take an online assessment to have a better picture of how kind you really are. You can sign up for the 30-Day Kindness Challenge there and receive daily reminder emails with tips and hints.
If churches want to become partners, we will hand them all those materials. We’ll give them a login for the site where they can download a small group study, videos, and discussion guides.
Because of a sponsor and our desire to get as many people as possible taking the 30-Day Kindness Challenge, everything there is free.
We think working through The Kindness Challenge in fellowship and community together is the pinnacle of what will make the biggest difference in people’s lives.
Related
Is there a relationship in your life that needs improvement? According to Shaunti Feldhahn, kindness is the key ingredient to improving any relationship in just a matter of days. She speaks to the need for kindness in our culture today.
“Everybody today has this idea that if your husband isn’t handling things well, or if your wife doesn’t appreciate you, or your boss isn’t kind, that you have to stand up for yourself; that you have to just look out for your rights, and be careful that they don’t treat you poorly.”
“Instead, it turns out it is all about being kind. On this big survey, we found that the vast majority of relationships will improve, and you’ll end up really having the thriving feeling in your life that you’re going for.”
After years of extensive research, Shaunti and her team set up a 30-day kindness challenge to help us change our relationships. She explains how the challenge works:
“If you want to become a kinder person and improve any relationship at the same time, pick one person that you want to have a better relationship with; maybe it’s your spouse, maybe it’s your child, maybe it’s your mother-in-law, whomever it is, pick that one person and for thirty days, do three things every day.”
Nix the negative.
“First, don’t say anything negative about that person, either to them or about them to somebody else. That’s often where we sabotage ourselves.”
She shares a practical example,
“Let’s just say that I’m frustrated that my husband doesn’t help with the chores. That means for thirty days, I can’t complain about it; I can’t go to my girlfriends at work and say, ‘Ugh, he’s not helping!’ because then I’m sabotaging how I feel about the relationship.”
Practice praise.
“Second, find one thing that you can sincerely praise; that you can sincerely affirm about that person, you tell them, and you tell somebody else.”
Shaunti describes what it would look like to omit negativity and practice praise on a daily basis.
“I can’t complain about my husband not helping with the chores, but I’m looking for things that are good. I notice that he came home from work early to help the kids with their activities, homework, or something so I tell him, ‘Thank you for that.’ Then, I go to my girlfriend at work and I say, ‘Do you know what he did yesterday?’”
“I’m looking for, focusing on, and thinking on the things that are worthy of praise, rather than what’s worthy of driving me crazy.”
Carry out kindness.
“The third thing, is to do one small day-to-day little action of generosity; one little action of kindness for them. All of that is so simple, but we found that 89% of relationships improved which is a huge number.”
Practicing these three simple acts for thirty days, can improve any relationship in your life and create a ripple effect of kindness around the world. If you would like to join the 30-day kindness challenge, visit jointhekindnesschallenge.com.
Shaunti Feldhahn received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author, and popular speaker. She is the author of many groundbreaking books, including For Women Only and The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship.
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30 Day Challenge Survey Shaunti Felhan Images
Libraries: Youth, Marriage, Men, Women, Small Groups Publisher: Penguin Random House - 2018Keywords: love, negativity, kindness, praiseOne month to a great relationship..with anyone!
Think of your toughest relationships. Think of a relationship that is good but could be great. Think of a group of people that drives you nuts. You want to show more kindness and generosity, but sometimes you're just tired, stretched, and frustrated. Besides, would small actions make that big a difference? Yes!
After years of extensive research, Shaunti Feldhahn has concluded that kindness is a superpower. It can change any relationship, make your life easier and better, and transform our culture. But how does it work? And how can you show kindness when you don't feel like it?
With helpful and motivating day-to-day tips, The Kindness Challenge can make your toughest relationships better and your good relationships great—starting today.
Be part of a 30 Day Kindness revolution in your world, in your home, and in yourself.
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The Kindness Challenge - Book
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Libraries: Youth, Marriage, Men, Women, Small Groups Publisher: Penguin Random House - 2018Keywords: love, negativity, kindness, praise
Shaunti Feldhahn
The difference between 'doing it all' and doing what matters.God has designed a mission and a plan for every woman's life. And He wants her to discover it. From stay-at-home moms to globe-trotting executives, from singles to seniors, every modern woman has wondered, “How do I juggle it all?” Now, The Life Ready Woman helps you discover God's road map for finding balance, peace, and delight in this crazy contemporary life. Speaker, author, wife, and mother Shaunti Feldhahn describes God's plan and purposes for women and then hones in on the practical implications for you as an individual—exploring your heart, your relationships, your specific challenges, and the unique gifts and personality God has crafted in you.
With this culturally relevant, video-guided experience, women of all ages, stages, and backgrounds will be empowered to think purposefully about life. At times, this journey will involve taking courageous steps of faith; at other times, it will involve waiting for open doors. But in the end, you'll learn not only how to survive but how to thrive in our do-it-all world.
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Join us for the 30-Day Kindness Challenge!
In the last ten years I have issued the 30-Day Kindness Challenge many times and watched the amazing difference it has made in individual lives and marriages. And now, for my next book, we are testing it with many people all at once – and we need your help! We need those of every age and stage of life, primarily married (you can do it without your mate!), to go through three steps:
Step 1: Take a 10-minute, anonymous survey – when you complete it, you will be added to the 30-Day Kindness Challenge email list.
Step 2: Starting September 14, do / don’t do three little things daily for 30 days, with help from daily/hint tip emails from us.* (see About The Challenge, below)
Step 3: Take another 10-minute, anonymous survey.
That’s it! As thanks, once you complete the final survey, you will receive a three month premium subscription to iDisciple, our research sponsor.** As an added bonus, the first 300 people to complete the final survey will receive a free copy of the book when it comes out! (Estimated December 2016.) Note that you do not have to do the 30-Day Kindness Challenge perfectly – you just have to try.
Click below to sign up! The challenge has special instructions and tasks for men and women separately, so be sure to sign up for the right list. Sign-up closes on Monday, September 14, so don’t delay!
About the Challenge
30 Day Challenge Survey Shaunti Felhan Youtube![]()
Starting September 14 and ending October 13, here’s the 30-Day Kindness Challenge in a nutshell:
Women:
Men:
This means avoiding any words or tone that your spouse will perceive as negative, critical or unloving (even if you wouldn’t have taken it that way). This means looking for and saying out loud the good each day. (I promise, you’ll find it!) And it means purposefully doing something small that is kind and generous, whether that means bringing your wife coffee in the morning or leaving your husband a sticky note saying “thank you” for something he did the night before. Whether you want to heal a hurting relationship or make a good one great, we are eager to see the difference it makes in your life! (And remember, you can do this on your own without your spouse participating – or even knowing about it!)
Sign up below! Sign-up closes on Monday, September 14, so don’t delay!
Optional Tips: If you want a very special and unique gift for your spouse, buy a journal and don’t just say your thoughts of appreciation, but also record them. Then on the last day of the Challenge, or some other special time, give the journal as a gift – and watch their face as they see what you’ve written! Also, you may find it useful to record what you learn as you go, in your own personal journal if you have one.
Join us! For the next 30 days, change what you think, say and do and watch your marriage change too!
30 Days. Small Changes. Big Results.
If you need any help with the sign-up process, please contact Caroline at [email protected].
*After the Challenge, you will be subscribed to email updates from Shaunti.com. You can unsubscribe at any time.
**Note: those who are already premium iDisciple subscribers can gift their 3 free months to the person of their choice.
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